Growing up, you listen to your parents telling you how quickly time flies and that you need to appreciate everything as it’s happening before it passes by.  However, when we’re young, we don’t really want to listen to what our parents have to say all the time. I wish I listened to them more often in terms of this, though I did look back and know that I did enjoy every second of my life growing up.  It’s just crazy to think that I’m going to be 24 and graduating with my masters degree from a university in the state that I have always wanted to live in… where I also gained coaching experience in the sport that I will always love. 

Five months from now I will be moving somewhere in the south or west, starting a new job, and truly becoming an “adult.” It’s scary, yet, thrilling at the same time.  I can’t wait to land a job and an apartment and start the next chapter that the Lord has been leading me to… but after thinking about how fast time flies, I plan to savor and enjoy these next five months during my final semester and still manage to work hard in my classes and reach my short term goals that will lead to my next chapter. 

With that said, I hope that y’all will take a minute and think about where you stand in your life right now and the experiences that have been brought to you. Look back and learn from them, let those moments continue creating the person you are and are intended to become so the Lord can continue His quest in leading you down the path of your life.  It may go by fast, but if you appreciate everything He does for you and show your gratitude for every new chapter, you will reach the plans that you have always dreamed of through Christ. Let Him guide you and continue following His path.

THIS IS A NEW YEAR. THIS IS A NEW BEGINNING. Good things will happen. Bad things will happen. Time will fly. You will make mistakes and you will learn from them. Do NOT let the bad experiences make you forget all the good things you have, and that are waiting for you, in your life. 

A few words to leave y’all with: Henry David Thoreau once wrote: 

“Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.”

if you do this, you may realize that time CAN slow down to the speed you wish it were. Take in everything in your life and be sure to really enjoy every. single. moment. For you won’t get that time back again.

2012 is coming so soon, and I am going to be 24 only a week after that.  Like I said, it’s amazing how time flies.  I gotta start looking and applying for jobs before I fly back to Texas and I’m going to drive myself nuts I’m sure.  I just hope I land a job that pays well, that’s surrounded by music, and that I want to be.  We will see. There’s plenty of opportunities that arise and I know I will get to where I need to be one day

Well, this one is quick. Just wanted to say my peace and I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas and enjoyed the time with their family and friends <3

PS: I am typing this on my new DELL Switch laptop my parents got me for Christmas woo!!! I am SO incredibly blessed with such a wonderful family, and I thank God, my Father, and the Lord Jesus, every single day. <3

Here is her track listing:

album: “Stronger” (2011)   –> (c) AZ LYRICS:  http://www.azlyrics.com/c/clarkson.html 

Mr. Know It All
What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger)
Dark Side
Honestly
You Love Me
Einstein
Standing In Front Of You
I Forgive You
Hello
The War Is Over
Let Me Down
You Can’t Win
Breaking Your Own Heart
Don’t You Wanna Stay [Deluxe Edition Bonus Track]
Alone [Deluxe Edition Bonus Track]
Don’t Be A Girl About It [Deluxe Edition Bonus Track]
The Sun Will Rise [Deluxe Edition Bonus Track]
Why Don’t You Try [iTunes Bonus Track]

Here are some of my favorite lines:

Mr. Know It All:

Can’t nobody tell me how it’s gonna be
Nobody’s gonna make a fool out of me
Baby, you should know that I lead not follow

Cuz I’m living my truth without your lies.

______________________________

What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger):

You know I dream in colour
And do the things I want

You think you got the best of me
Think you had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down
Think that I’d come running back
Baby you don’t know me, cause you’re dead wrong

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone
____________________________________

Dark Side:

Nobody’s a picture perfect
But we’re worth it
You know that we’re worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?
____________________________

Honestly:

Face me
Make me listen to the truth even if it breaks me
You can judge me, love me
If you’re hating me, do it honestly
_______________________________

You Love Me–> One of my favorites

Thick skin, soft touch
Heart of gold but it’s na-na-na-not enough
Forgiving arms, the higher road
Working hard but it’s na-na-na-not enough
You said I’m not good enough, I’m not good enough
But what you really mean is you’re not good enough, you’re not good enough

______________________________________________________

Standing in Front of You:

Take a breath and listen (listen)
Open up stop wishin’ (wishin’)
All that you’ve been missin’ (missin’)
Standing in front of you
Everything you’re fearin’ (fearin’)
All the walls are buildin’ (buildin’)
Take a chance you’re reason (reason)
Standing in front of you

______________________________

I Forgive You:

I forgive you, I forgive me
Now when do I start to feel again?
If I hate you what does that do?
So I breathe in and I count to 10

‘Cause the lights are on
And I’m coming home
Yes, I am back with a new heart in my hand
‘Cause I forgive you
____________________________________

Hello:

I’m feeling like I always see them, but they can’t see me

Sentimental feelings
Never get me anywhere
My heart concern is bleeding
Is there anybody, anybody?

Hello, hello
Is anybody listening?
Let go! As everyone lets go of me
Oh oh, won’t somebody show me that I’m not alone, not alone
__________________________________________________

The War Is Over: –> favorite song

All I have to say is
You don’t deserve me, you don’t deserve me
I’m finally walking away
Cause you don’t deserve me, and you’re not worthy
This is not my surrender
I’m not running for cover
I’m right here, I know you see me
But your words no longer defeat me
In the night when you’re lonely
You remember how much you miss me
So you call, but I swear
You can try a million times, you’ll get the same answer
______________________________________________

You Can’t Win: –> this one is the most honest i think– so real!
If you go, they’ll say your following
If you don’t, then your too good for them
If you smile, you must be ignorant
If you don’t, whats your problem
If your down, so ungratefull
And if your happy, why so selfish?
You cant win no you cant win no

If your thin, call it a walkin disease
If your not, there all screamin obbease
If your straight, why aren’t you married yet?
If your gay, why aren’t you waving a flag?
If its wrong, you’ll never hit
If its right, you’ll always miss
You cant win no you cant win no
___________________________________

Breaking Your Own Heart:

You say you just want love
But when it’s close enough you just let it go
The very thing you’ve been the most afraid of
You’ve been doing it from the start, breaking your own heart.

__________________________________________________

Alone:

I really wish you knew what’s been on my mind
You’re gonna miss me, so get ready
I’m about to tell you why
______________________________________

The Sun Will Rise:

I’ve been in stuck in a storm before
Felt the wind raging at my door
Couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t find a way out
Somehow my clouds disappeared
Somehow I made it here
Maybe just so you could hear me say

The sun will rise

Although you can’t see it
So hard to believe it
Sometimes you just need a little faith (All you need is a little faith)
There’s an answer to your prayer
And I swear that there’ll come a day, yeah
_______________________________________________

I hope reading these will get you to take a listen. You won’t be disappointed.  The messages that these songs send to every listener is great. Lyrics like these should make someone think, not just about what the artist is singing about, but about your own life in general.  Maybe itll help you get through a situation you’re in at the moment, or maybe it will open your eyes to something new.. or maybe it will give you more confidence about your life and where it’s leading you and make you STRONGER.

My favorite paragraph: “One of my major pet peeves is when people lie about the little, little stuff–it seriously drives me bananas. Cause seriously, if you’re lying about something insignificant and feeling fine about it…what else are you lying about?”

Her posts make me think… a lot.  And it puts my life in perspective of where I am at, how I got here, where I am going, and who I am.  I have never been a person fond of lieing. I try to be as honest as I can in every situation; not only to others, but to myself… and to God as well.  Think about it, If people lied less, the world would probably be more full of better people.  Lieing destroys some people, and it usually takes a lot to regain perspective and trust.  Sometimes, it turns people into negative folks, and they start to care less about some things that they should be caring more about. 

If y’all havent heard of Jill and Kate, you should really take a look at their blog and listen to their music as well.  The lyrics are deep and honest, and their vocals are amazing! I can guarantee that they have songs that any person can relate to.  So, if you are a music lover, give these ladies a listen. 

Here is their regular blog: http://jillandkate.wordpress.com/ 

You can youtube their songs on the 17th to hear their music.

I have always liked the song “How to Love” by Lil Wayne because well, one, I love how his voice sounds singing it and the lyrics are great.  But for some reason, it didn’t have as much meaning behind it whenever I heard his version.  Something about Lil Wayne and “meaning” just doesn’t go hand-in-hand if you ask me.  Normally, he raps about sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.  So I found it difficult to feel anything as I heard him sing such a great song. 

However, Demi Lovato turned this song around… a complete 360 where I could actually FEEL the meaning behind the words as she sang them.  Now, i don’t know if it is because I know the difficulties that she has been going through for the past year, or because I could relate to the lyrics, or if it was a combination of both.  I can’t say that I have always been a fan of hers, but after I gave her music a chance, following her on twitter, and seeing how much of an influence and inspiration she is to many young girls around the world, I can admit that I truly am a fan.  I think she is a great role model for many and living proof that there is nothing anyone can’t get through, no matter how difficult the situation may be.  Her new album is fantastic, lyrically especially.  When I heard she covered “How to Love,” I just HAD to listen to it.  I think I almost shed some tears when I heard it because of the emotion that she had behind the lyrics.. it’s just something about that that always touches the heart of the listener in a way that some artists cant.  I couldn’t help but feel the meaning especially in relation to my life at the moment.  I may never have been in love, and I may not have any “crooks tryna steal my heart”… but i sure as hell can’t ever figure out how to love…

So here it is, I’m sharing this video with you because it’s such a great cover.  I know all of you may not like her, or her music, but I’m telling you… if you want to feel the raw emotion and full meaning behind such a lyrically great song, you HAVE to listen to this version.

I’m going to drive myself crazy with all of my thoughts one of these days. & I don’t want to seem psychotic or pathetic, so I just deleted everything I wrote in here which is something I know I need to stop doing. lol  I find myself writing down a text or a facebook status that I want to send but then I delete it.  The reason?  I don’t know.  Fear, maybe.  I haven’t really figured that one out.  But I know it’s always better to write your thoughts rather than hold em in.  I’ve written two songs (lyrics really) in a day and a half because I needed a release.  That’s probably one of the best ways for me to clear my head.  Write.  I love it.  No matter the inspiration, it makes me feel better.  And sometimes, I really do think my lyrics could be turned into a good song if I found someone to sell them to lol I guess I may have to go back to writing another because I’m already thinking of lyrics as I type this lol I don’t want to say too much on here because I don’t know how many people actually read this.  But yeah, lately I’ve had wayy too much on my mind and all of my thoughts revolve around just a few things.  I guess all I can do is not change a thing and just see what happens in the near future.
I’ll remain optimistic

Song of the day: Avril Lavigne- Stop Standing There

This song is my favorite off her new album. It just speaks so whole-heartedly. It’s emotional. Meaningful. Graceful. Exactly the kind of songs I love. There’s nothing better than finding lyrics that speak your thoughts and that you can relate to. Right??   I’m not in love with the entertainment, I’m in love with the lyrics  <3  I will never go to a concert to see the artist dancing; I go to a concert to hear the artist sing.  And it’s the songs like these that get to me every time.

Tonight’s blog is gong to be on a bit of a more serious matter. I don’t know how many people actually sit here and read what I have to say, but to those who do, I hope you find this intriguing or thoughtful or even useful & pass my thoughts on to others and hold conversation about it with them.

As most of y’all may know, this past weekend there was a shooting in Tucson AZ. A gunman was after the congresswoman, whom he shot, along with nine other people (6 of which had passed from this horrific tragedy). This is only one senseless tragedy among many many others that have happened recently. The young students who committed suicide due to bullying at school. Gang violence in certain cities.  Shootings at schools. Domestic violence. Acts of terrorism… to give a few examples.

It’s no wonder why I hate to watch the news. I end up having tears in my eyes because of these kinds of senseless acts of crime. What nonsense it is. How ridiculous it is. I am a proud American citizen. I am happy every morning I wake up because I am alive and living on this lovely place called Earth. But it’s times like these, when there are such sad tragedies occurring in this world I live in, that make me question how happy I really am to be a member of the society. There is so much hate in the world today, and one would think that the citizens should have grown out of their hate and formed more love in their hearts. But no. People are still cold as steel on an icy winter day, with no care in the world about anything other than themselves, with a heart of stone that can’t be persuaded into gaining more love because it’s just too used to hateful and evil events that have happened in their life.

I don’t understand how one can just take the life of another. I don’t think I ever will. It’s a sad world anymore. People deserve to live their life to the fullest, in every aspect he or she can, however he or she wants to live it. For a precious life to be taken unexpectedly and for no apparent reason is uncalled for in this world. I don’t care who you are. I don’t care if you’re suffering, I don’t care if you’re “not all there,” I don’t care. There is nothing that happens to a person that  cannot be overcome, or handled. God will never give a person something they couldn’t handle. I believe that. There are no excuses for violence. None. It doesn’t solve anything. It never does and it never will.

I just wish people could open up their hearts more and share the love that’s inside (hidden or not) with everyone around them.   The more love, the better the place we live in. It’s that simple. Rid the hate. Find it in your heart to forgive. Find it in your heart to resist a violent act. Find it in your heart to GIVE love and you will RECEIVE love in return. Life would be that much easier for you. & i know life is never easy, but there are ways to MAKE it easier. LOVE-IS-LOUDER than anything else in the world. Use it. Share it. Give it. Take it. Spread it. Make it. It’s – that – simple – people—- Quit the violence. Help make this world a better place for everyone.

On another note, I have 4 days left until I fly home to PA.  I can’t wait to see my family again and meet my nephew! =]  I havent seen my family since July, and though being out here in Texas is a great experience for being on my own for months and months apart from my family, I still miss them a lot.  I think it’s going to be hard to come back here when I leave in January because I know I won’t be able to see them again until Christmas 2011.  I’m taking summer courses and I won’t be able to afford to go home since I won’t be getting paid for 3 months and a small side job won’t be good enough to cover bills and a flight home. But I’m doing well out here and it’s nice to get the all around experience including being away from family for so long at a time because I do want to live in Texas or Tennessee when I graduate with my Master’s.  The holiday season is always my favorite though.  And this year will be the first year in probably two or three years that I will be home to celebrate my birthday with my family.  I’ll be 23 years old and it’s going to nice to be home.  So I have Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years Eve, New Years Day and my birthday (in terms of holidays) to look forward to when I’m home for the month   And on top of that, I get to see my family and meet my beautiful nephew.  It’s going to be a wonderful break!

Well, time for bed now.  Long day tomorrow.  Goodnight!

This time, my thoughts revolve around love. I am 22 years old, soon to be 23, and I have never… NEVER been in love. I don’t know what it is about me that pushes people away, or that doesn’t attract someone. I had confidence issues when I was growing up, then I learned how to love myself. I was told that no man loves a woman who lacks self confidence. From then on, I believed in myself and I believed in love. Now, I’m not too sure anymore. They always say that love comes when you least expect it. I have been searching for it before. I have stopped searching for it. Neither way did it work out to my advantage. I’m SO sick and tired of being alone and I’m honestly scared that this is how I will be living my life… alone.  I don’t think of myself as a bad person. I believe I have a big heart. I am one of the most genuine people. I can be a hard ass too if I need to be. But I will never be somebody I’m not no matter how much I want to fall in love. I don’t know what it is about guys, what they like in their women, what they don’t like… What attracts them to us? I guess I will never know. But one thing I do know is that I am ready to love. I have a heart full of that love to share with someone else.. and when I release that love I will have plenty of room to take someone else’s heart- and love- and know what it feels like to truly be IN love with someone. I have been ready for a long time now. I just don’t understand why it hasn’t happened for me yet and I can honestly say that I’m starting to get a little sad about it. I have been writing songs about love and relationships for a while now, and I can’t help it. I want to feel that someday, and someday soon. I’m not afraid to get my heart broken. It comes with it. I know. I just don’t know what else to do to be noticed anymore. I have put myself out there for so long now, holding my heart on my sleeve, and nobody, not one person, has tried to take it in their hands yet.

If there is a cupid out there, I would love for him/her to shoot me with their arrow and shoot this one boy I’m really crushing on at the moment with that same arrow so we can fall in love. Being alone is exhausting. It’s not fun. Especially when you’ve been single you’re entire life. Whoever is out there waiting for me, he’s going to get more love than anyone else in this world because the love in my heart is probably twice the size as it normally is for some people. I have dreams of a wedding, a family, before I am 30. I have 8, soon to be 7, years left til that day… And I have yet to find someone. I gotta get moving if I want to make at least one of my dreams come true. I just don’t know what else to do…

God, if you’re listening to me right now as I type this, help me find the answers to my questions.. please. I really feel like I am at a point in my life where I’m actually stuck. I have never not known what to do in situations before, and this one I can’t seem to get a grip on. It’s really bothering me and I just need a sign or something from you to let me know that I am going to be okay… that love will find me one day. So please, shine your light on me, God, and help me feel that way because right now I don’t feel like that at all. Share Your guidance with me, please. Thank You… I love You.

my latest writing/lyrics:

“My Heart”

This is something I will never understand

How love can come so easy

To everyone who isn’t me

I’ve laid my heart flat on a table

Waiting for that one to come take it away

There it sits

And it waits

Beating and beating and beating

But the rhythm seems to slow

How much longer can it take?

Until it finally glows?

It’s starting to get cold

Someone needs to take it

Hold it in both hands

Warm it up but don’t break it

I guess I have to be lucky

But luck ain’t really my thing

Maybe I should start to believe

My heart is getting weak

It’s been on nothing but a losing streak

I see one here

I see one there

I’ve placed my heart in clear view

I don’t know what else to do

My heart can’t take another day

Unable to be given away

It’s starting to get cold

Someone needs to take it

Hold it in both hands

Warm it up but don’t break it

I guess I have to be lucky

But luck ain’t really my thing

Well maybe I should start to believe

I can’t take another day

Unable to give my heart away

I’m tired of all the lucky ones

Who always get their way

Even when I do believe

Love never finds me

It’s starting to get cold

Someone needs to take it

Hold it in both hands

Warm it up but don’t break it

I guess I have to be lucky

But luck ain’t really my thing

Well maybe I should start to believe

I’m losing faith

I’m losing hope

I don’t wanna let this go

I’m losing faith

I’m losing hope

I don’t wanna let this go

I have my faith

I have my hope

& I’m not letting go

My heart is ready to love

My heart is ready to be loved

My heart is ready to love

My heart is ready to be loved

Speaking of grateful, I spent Thanksgiving with my Coach’s family this year. Wasn’t able to get home for it so to spend it with her family was awesome. They’re my family away from home and I can’t even describe how appreciative I am for them and everything they have done for me so far. They are a big reason why my adjustment here was easier. Having them around really made everything flow and so much easier for me. For Thanksgiving we ate at her dad’s cousin’s house. Maybe 12 people or so including the kids. Love big dinners and company like that! I baked over break for the first time in a while! My nana’s famous Apple Pie YUM!! Oh! And I made my Grandma’s famous Macaroni Salad too! YUM again! lol The turkey was great! Mashed tatoes, cream corn obviously lol homemade stuffin’, cranberry sauce, sweet potato casserole with brown sugar and pecan’s crushed on top holy cow! Probably my favorite part of dinner! lol SOOO GOOD! I’m thankful to have so many blessings in my life and that I didn’t have to spend this holiday alone. Now it’s just a few weeks til I go home for Christmas and I can’t WAIT!

I found myself writing lyrics again lately. I don’t think I’ve written anything down for a while. Maybe a few months. Over the past two days, I got three “songs” out. I quote songs because I don’t write the music, but I don’t know what else to call it besides lyrics. But I’m working on writing lyrics to music my friend Spesh made up for me… this way I can say I actually created a song and I’m going to sing it Can’t promise it’ll be any good though ha. I realized that I’ve missed writing. I have a feeling I’ll be doing it a lot more again lol It’s great therapy!

Arright, I guess that’s enough for now. I’m just going to leave y’all with this. Please don’t take anything for granted. Life isn’t always easy, but when you have good things in your life, take time to notice and recognize them and their reasons for being in your life. Be thankful and count your blessings every day. This world can be a scary and crazy place. Don’t let yourself get lost in it! Love yourself. Love your family. Love your friends. Love the people who have been in and out of your life at random. Spread the LOVE. For where there is Love, there is joy and happiness and peace and strength. Positive endeavors override negative ones. Stay on the positive boat. Don’t let yourself sink.

Until Next Time… TTFN